By Ogova Ondego
Published February 8, 2021
It was physical attraction that brought George Banda and Christine Obunga together. They married after a series of electrifying dates and whirlwind romances in the hope of living happily ever after just like all marriages are presented in fairy tales.
The promising couple appeared so considerate and kind to each other during the honeymoon and the early days into marriage, often calling each other by syrupy nicknames. It was not uncommon to hear them ask each other, “How do you feel today, dear?”, “Stay where you are, dear; I’ll move that for you.” and “Darling, you are always so thoughtful and kind.” The relationship appeared so good that so many concluded it had been created by God in heaven.
RELATED:Â Commitment, Not Love, Precedes Marriages that Last!
But, the couple, after a while, soon fell into routine that soon became a rut and the couple even started wondering whether they had not made a mistake in deciding to marry.
Hadn’t her mother, though playfully, not cautioned Christine that one shouldn’t marry one’s best friend as marriage tends to destroy friendships?
“Don’t expose yourself to a woman as getting too familiar with each other could breed contempt for each other,” George recalled what a friend of his had said when he he heard that he was in love with Christine.”Marry her only if you don’t love her.”
RELATED: Why Women of Nyeri County Chop off Their Men’s Genitals
Banda and Obunga began drifting apart, each going his or her own way. The bare minimum conversation they ever had was often arguments about money, child rearing or sex. Although they are still together two decades later, they can hardly be described as romantic. Many married people are likely to identify with them.
Hey, it is now widely believed, like Christine’s mother had said in jest, that marriage destroys friendship. To remain friends forever, some people avoid marriage. Could it be the commitment that is required in marriage that destroys friendship as couples make more stringent demands of each other than they would of friends or strangers? By so doing, mates make easy target for any dissatisfaction one may harbour.
The closest, intimate and most important relationship is marriage. But, tragically, this is also the most neglected of all relationships, a pastor says.
RELATED:Â African Film Writers, Directors and Critics Invited for Hands-On Training
Marriage counselors point out that for one to ‘live happily ever after’ with one’s spouse, one must ensure one marries a person with whom they can share their thoughts, and feelings. In a nutshell, they should marry people who will be their very best friends!
For those already married but feel their mates are not their best friends, the counselors advise they embark on building those friendships.
RELATED:Â Expo Focuses on Digital Music Business
Though we need friends throughout our lives, our best friends should be our spouses.
The drudgery for most couples revolves around work. Between Monday and Friday they wake up at 5:00, have breakfast and then rush to work. In the evening they commute home in tense stop-and-go traffic. Then they read the paper and watch television while waiting for supper and then retire to bed soon after the 9:00 o’clock TV news. On the weekend they sleep in, do some shopping, and attend worship service, to repeat the routine the following day.
So how do we go about injecting a little sizzle back into our marriages and escaping from this predictable and boring routine?
Relationships specialists say every marriage needs a little time for a wife and husband to just be alone; to take a walk hand in hand, sit on the porch and watch the full moon rise in the evening, or to share a candlelight dinner.
RELATED:Â Universal Primary Education in Kenya is a Mirage
For the couples who are yet to get away since the birth of their children, they may need to have an ‘escape weekend’ where they can be just the two of them.
A pleasant drive in the countryside, a visit to amusement park, a hike in the nearby bush or a meal in a favourite restaurant can put some fun and excitement in a marriage that is slowly but surely sliding into a rut, Plain Truth magazine says.
RELATED:Â Urbanisation Could Exacerbate Malnutrition
Doing things together enables a couple to build happiness into their marriage and enables them to make their partners their lovers and best friends.
In happy marriages wives and husbands have the greatest mutual respect for each other and are not constantly critical of each other, wishing their partners would do better in every area of their lives. They pay attention to each other, listening and turning away from the TV, the phone, the computer, radio, the book, the newspaper or whatever distraction to look at their partner while they are speaking.
All right. How do you plan to turn your partner into your lover and best friend during this month of love, romance and St Valentine’s Day?
