By Ogova Ondego
Published February 14, 2024
Although St. Valentine’s Day does not exist in my village, love does. Nobody celebrates Valentine as it is virtually unknown. There is nothing like “Lovers Day’ in the village as that would be tantamount to ‘Permitting or licensing promiscuity’. Granted, people marry here. But not for love.
Love, like any other subject in the village, is governed by strict social and moral rules that every villager must adhere to.
Romance, as depicted in Western movies and songs, does not exist in the village. If you tried to explain to the villager the rituals associated with Valentine—candlelight dinners, nights of wine and red roses, steamy scenes of passion, the holding of hands and starry passionate eyes—he probably would think you have been bewitched and therefore you should consult the nearest medicine-man for your own good. Urgently. Only wayward people would dare meet in ‘darkness’ as candlelight might be considered by villagers whose conventional wisdom states that all good things happen in broad ‘daylight.’
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The villager does not know anything about Father Valentinus, the Roman Catholic Church priest whose execution was ordered by Emperor Claudius II allegedly for blaspheming Roman gods. The villager would certainly not understand why a condemned man would fall in love with the blind daughter of the man who has ordered his execution as Father Valentinus, from whom Valentine derives its name, is said to have done. It would be folly even to consider honouring such a man. How can a total villager fall in love with disability—a blind woman—when the wife is expected to work and provide for the family by fetching water and firewood, working on the farm, and preparing meals?
In the village, it is not easy for a boy to ask out (to where?) a ‘special girl’, have a nice dinner together and go back home without raising eyebrows.
No woman would be willing to go out with such a man as she would not only spark a scandal but also become a pariah and the subject of public ridicule. In any case there are no ‘small, hidden romantic restaurants’ in the village where the equivalent of the English words “I love you” is “I want you.” Even this translation is quite vulgar in the villager’s language and no one would dare utter such obscene words except under the influence of alcoholic beverages known as gangara, busaa or chang’aa. There however would be no excuse for uttering taboos.
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As city dwellers agonise over who will be their Valentine and what gifts to give to them—perfume, cards, ornaments, suits, food—the villager is quite at peace with himself as no one expects anything from him on February 14.
But that is not to say that love does not exist in the village, especially among the youth who, like their city counterparts, feel the surge of warmth welling up in them when they are near their friends (not lovers!).
The indispensable excitement, the rising pulse rate, the daydreaming about their ‘lovers’ and fitful sleep are just as strong as is the loss of appetite (due to excitement) when together. But unlike their urban counterparts, the excitement gives villagers more appetite for food as they are at peace with their dates.
After all, isn’t romance just a feeling? Love by any other name to the villager is just as sweet only that it is expressed differently.
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In the evenings during school holidays, a boy and a girl who have been exposed to Western ideas of romance through formal education may be seen standing on footpaths that lead to the water stream (or river), forest or shopping centre. In most cases the girl has either a water pot or firewood on her head or is holding something in a paper bag shyly looking down and drawing figures with her big toe.
The boy is either squatting or looking at the girl but with his hands in the pocket of the trousers, desperately trying to restrain his erect male member from getting exposed.
The girl is expected to just listen and try to act dumb. This often makes the boy awkward and he just stares at her. If older people come along, the young ones quickly separate.
Although villagers frown at young people who express their love openly, in private they praise the boy who is often seen with girls as being a ‘man’! Such a boy may tell the girl that he ‘loves’ her although strictly speaking the acceptable terms—used interchangeably—are ‘I like your ways’, ‘I want you to be my friend’ or ‘I want you to cook for me’.
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In the village people do not marry for ‘love’ but to get companionship and expand the network of their families and relatives. Hence married men will describe their wives as ‘my cook’.
But Valentine is a day of lovers and not married people. A ‘lover’ to the villagers is a wayward person and so they hardly ever describe someone as being a lover unless they mean the person is in an illicit sexual relationship.
So should you meet a villager this Valentine and he rebuffs you for describing your partner as a lover, do not be surprised. Just try to understand that lovers do not exist in the village. And by the way, the only gifts villagers give to their ‘special someone’ are usually game meat or agricultural produce—not ‘wild’ roses or ‘meaningless’ expensive paper cards.
While those who celebrate Valentine believe the heart is the centre of love, my people believe the liver is and so when a boy is in love (oops, likes a girl’s ways) he may tell her, “You have captured my liver.”
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This story is taken from Stories From Life, an anthology of prose, poetry and drama written by Ogova Ondego and published by ComMattersKenya Consultancy. Call/Text/WhatsApp +254 733 703 374 for physical copies in Nairobi or order ebooks from online bookshops like Everand, Apple Books, Amazon and Barnes & Noble
